Night Terrors

2:30 AM:  I am wide awake.  Why?  What I am now going to call night terrors - words which have taken on a whole new meaning for me.  I used to think of night terrors as bad dreams.. you know, where monsters are chasing you or something horrible happens in your life.  You dream it, you wake up, you realize you were dreaming and you can smile, and then you roll over and go back to sleep.  No, that's no longer what I will call night terrors.

Night terrors to me now are waking up with a low blood sugar - of course, I am thankful to wake up because otherwise I would die, but waking up in this state is a horrible feeling.  I do not know about everybody's feelings as we are all different, but for me it is waking up feeling like my body has been set on fire.  I am burning all over.  I am sweaty.  I am nauseated.  I am lightheaded.  I am confused and disoriented, knowing something is wrong, but not quite sure what at first.  It takes a minute to register that I need to check my blood sugar.

With hands shaking so hard I can hardly do anything, I have to open the strips container and insert the strip, put the lancet in the machine,  tear open the alcohol swab, wipe my finger, stick my finger, get the blood in the right spot for the strip, and wait those 5 seconds to see a number.  It is almost a relief to see a low number sometimes so that I have a reason for those horrible feelings I am having.  Then, I get to drink the juice or eat the sugar and wait for the terror to be over.

Big deal! Eat right and exercise - it'll go away!

I am so tired of hearing this already... as if I did not know already that diabetes is caused by being fat and unhealthy and sitting on the couch all day doing nothing.  You know what?  That is so wrong and I have to admit even I did not know there was a difference in types of diabetes until I was diagnosed.

I was watching the Biggest Loser when one of the kids said her biggest fear was of getting diabetes, she went and met with her counselor who was so upset because she had to take a pill and 1 shot a day and check her blood sugar occasionally.  They said watch your diet and exercise so this will not happen to you.

Everyday somebody says watch your diet and exercise so you can come off your medicine or I knew somebody who beat this disease by diet and exercise...

Well, that's the difference with type 1 and type 2 diabetes.  With type 2 diabetes, your body still produces the insulin but just does not know how to use it properly.  Type 2 can be managed with diet and exercise alone for many, many people.  You can check your blood sugar once a day or even once a week, you can take a pill instead of shots, you might not even have to do that much.  You can also reverse your disease if you are doing your diet and exercise and lose weight.

Type 1 is a whole different story.  With type 1 diabetes, your body stops producing insulin altogether.  It is an autoimmune disorder and nothing to do with diet and exercise; however, diet and exercise will help to control the symptoms and the amount of medications you have to take.  With type 1 diabetes, you always have to take insulin shots to live.  It is a day long effort of sticking your finger, taking a shot, eating your food, sticking your finger, taking a shot, eating your food...  repeat, repeat, repeat.

Now, do not get me wrong.  I am not saying that one or the other is the worst disease, I am not saying that everybody that gets type 2 diabetes is fat and sloppy and brought it on themselves (there are family genetics to consider also).  What I am saying is that people need to know there is a difference in the types of diabetes and differentiate when they are "educating" the public about diabetes.

I did what and now I have what?!?!

Being told I had diabetes was probably the worst moment of my life to this point - I think I actually went into shock for a few minutes.  I tried to argue with the doctor because who loses 50-60 pounds and eats right and works out hard for a year and then develops diabetes?  I mean, that just does not happen - but it apparently does...  I spent a lot of that day crying and feeling sorry for myself.  Who am I kidding?  I spent the next few days feeling sorry for myself.  Then I decided that I was going to be okay - I would diet and exercise even more and even better and I would beat this thing.  Well, once again, the unthinkable happened!  They come back and tell me that I am type 1 and will always have to take insulin.  Now I have spent many days feeling sorry for myself and crying.

I still cannot help but think that this is so unfair and that it should not have happened to me!  That's what I was dieting and exercising for in the first place.  Sure it is fun to wear a smaller size in clothes and to feel like I am looking good when I go out, but my most important motivating factor was definitely my health.  Now it seems like what is the point?

Well, the point is that I can control this with diet and exercise and taking my medications properly.  I can not develop heart disease and strokes and blindness and I do not have to have my limbs amputated.  The point is that I need to be a role model for others to hopefully prevent them from going through this same thing.  I just have to remember that in order to get through this right now.

Life Changes

In the last year, I have had so many changes in my life.  I sold and/or gave away everything I had, bought an RV, and moved to the woods.  I volunteer for the Corps of Engineers and live in one of their campgrounds in exchange for my power, water, sewer, and campsite.  I did not have to do this - I chose to do it in an effort to simplify my life.  I kept my job as a medical transcriptionist since I work by internet and things were looking good - no bills and a great income at the same time!  Well, that's another story to be explained later!

I started working out and exercising in an attempt to get healthy (not just skinny).  When I realized I could not get dressed without being out of breath, it was hard to put my shoes on, I had no energy, and was a walking time bomb, I decided it was time to do something about it.  I have to date lost approximately 50 pounds (that's another post).  There goes all my risk factors, right? (Well, there's yet another post)

Well, apparently, nothing in my life that is good lasts long... but I have to say there is always something else good coming up!  My trials and troubles and what I do about them, how I handle them, my blessings (of which are abundant) and what I do with them, and anything else that pops up in my life will be the subject of more posts.

Introducing Myself

My name is Amanda and my blog is just going to be whatever it evolves to be...  probably weight loss, weight gain, health and fitness, my kids, my job (or lack of), my lifestyle (living in an RV), and of course, last but not least, my newest thing - being a diabetic.  You might get rants, you might get happiness, you might get tears, you might get recipes, or workouts.  I hope you get something good from it though!